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Dynamic Chiropractic – October 21, 1994, Vol. 12, Issue 22

An Orthopractic Parody

By Donald M. Petersen Jr., BS, HCD(hc), FICC(h), Publisher
There has been a tremendous amount of confusion surrounding orthopractic. Is it possible that the leaders of orthopractic are just as confused as everyone else?

What if Ronald Slaughter, DC, national executive director for the Orthopractic Manipulation Society - USA and Murray Katz, MD, incorporator and sole director of Orthopractic Manipulation International, Inc., had a confidential meeting to clear up the confusion? If you were listening in on their conversation, you might hear ...

Katz: Thanks for coming Ron, I think this meeting will help us clarify some of the confusion with our orthopractic movement.

Slaughter: My pleasure Dr. Katz. My, what a beautiful building you have.

Katz: It comes with being a millionaire; you get to surround yourself with nothing but the most elegant things. The hard part is figuring out ways to keep bringing in the big money.

Slaughter: You know Dr. Katz, it has always been my personal goal and wish for many, many years that medicine would ultimately open up a special residency program just for licensed chiropractors. You know how deficient chiropractors are in pharmaceuticals, differential diagnosis in a hospital setting, research, and ethics. We've made arrangements for courses in pharmaceutical training and can send our members to federal hospitals in Mexico for hospital protocol work. But I'm still a little confused. How is it that chiropractors need all this training just to become specialists under medical referral?

Katz: Don't you see, this will allow MDs to see chiropractors as real doctors. As long as they don't try to treat children, the medical profession will be happy and so will I.

Slaughter: Western States Chiropractic College has developed a similar program to qualify DCs to be primary care providers. Why does all this training only qualify us to be specialists?

Katz: That's just a case of ignoring the facts. Western States should know that chiropractic can't accredit their program and medicine never will. Again, Ron, until DCs are willing to restrict themselves to being specialists, MDs will never respect them. Chiropractors need to learn their place before we will give them referrals. And that means no more treating kids. Now, how are your efforts going to recruit chiropractors for my -- I mean, our organizations?

Slaughter: Not very well. We only have a couple hundred. The chiropractors are very suspicious of an organization formed by a person they see as an enemy. They also want to know who is in control and who controls the money they pay your corporation.

Katz: I can't believe they are worried about a couple hundred dollars a year. How can they expect to form a new profession if they aren't willing to pay for it? Didn't you explain that the money was needed for all the work we are doing with the public and the media? Don't they realize how much time I had to spend with Consumer Reports and those other reporters?

Slaughter: I tried to explain that to them, but for some reason they don't see how your working with Consumer Reports is helping chiropractic. They just don't see your master plan like I do. They want some kind of control before they become members. They want a voice, and a vote.

Katz: That's fine, they can have a voice in YOUR organization. But my corporation can't be influenced by what they think. That's the reason for our multi-tiered organizational structure: It lets you control the chiropractors and lets me do whatever I want with their dues and pamphlet money. Chiropractors have to be taught how to act like real doctors before they can be trusted with a vote. Anyway, I'm dropping the word "manipulation" from the title of my corporation. Not only will chiropractors and physical therapists be able to join, but so will MDs and other professions.

Slaughter: Wonderful! This will give us true unity within health care.

Katz: Not only that, but it opens the door for another 400,000 potential dues paying members. I wonder if there is a way I can get nurses to join ...

Slaughter: How can you think of making nurses orthopractors? They don't have any real training in manipulation!

Katz: So, neither do most MDs or PTs. Ron, you just aren't seeing the big picture.

Slaughter: That brings up another question, why do you charge $75 for DCs to become members and only $35 for PTs? They both have to buy about $100 worth of your pamphlets every year. They get equal privileges, shouldn't they pay equally?

Katz: Ron, don't you see the problem with that? Robin McKenzie is recommending that all 20,000 of his people become members. I had to give them some kind of quantity discount. It was only fair. Besides, they are the ones that will be paying the big money. Do you know what $35 multiplied by 20,000 comes out to?

Slaughter: But that will make the chiropractors a severe minority with no real decision-making input.

Katz: Yes, but they will have the opportunity to gain acceptance among PTs and MDs around the world. This is a real step forward for chiropractors. I'm doing the chiropractic profession a great service, can't they see that?

Slaughter: No, Dr. Katz, they just don't seem to appreciate all your efforts. All they can think about is new patients. I'm having the hardest time with members and state managers telling me that after our big story in Consumer Reports, they still didn't get any referrals. You told me the medical profession will start referring to orthopractors in big numbers, but so far, we haven't seen anything. Why is that?

Katz: Oh they will, they will. I'm working very hard to convince my colleagues that they should refer to all orthopractors, DCs as well as PTs. It will happen soon, trust me. Have I ever lied to you before?

DMP Jr., BS, HCD(hc)

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